The earliest stages of my paintings sometimes resemble a child’s first attempt at finger painting. For years, afraid of the messiness, I couldn’t move through this stage for fear of failure. Anxiety would wreck havoc on my emotions making me feel inadequate, and incapable of making something beautiful out of what appeared disastrous.
Meditating on Psalm 51, I was reminded how God often uses painting to reassure me of His beautiful Truth—He came to fix my mess, I cannot save myself. It is only in His strength and our weakness He leads us through the darkness of our own hearts. When I let go of my control and wholly surrender to His severe mercy, I can move through anxiety with no fear of failure. All He asks of me is a willing spirit to hold a paintbrush in my hand, as He delivers something beautiful out of the trepidation before me. This particular composition boldly depicts the reality of how our Creator wields powerful forces to “wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.” Surely our God creates in us a pure heart, and renews a steadfast spirit within us, even when all we can see are our transgressions.